Other people have midlife crisis as they approach 50, while I'm having mine as early as now - the ominous quarter life crisis! Wedding bells go off like nobody's business - back-to-back wedding invitations and engagement notices from my peers.
The stats of people I know getting hitched ( hitch means get married - coz there's this particular moron who doesn't know what it means, and he himself is getting hitched next month) are sky-rocketing. The frequency of kenduri kahwins in a month are as aften as the number of times I take a piss in a day.
And whoah... wait... What about the number of babies popping out this time around? Like little bunnies... *slapping forehead* "Say hello to AUNTY Maymay...", as my friend hands over her drooling baby to me. His lopsided head instantly switched my 'gelabah' radar on. Shit, terkehel leher budak nih, mampus aku. Oh, did you notice the kata nama?? Aunty. Aunt. Eeee...
Damn.
These babies are sooo adorable. They even have this "masham" smell, a mix of baby shampoo and milk barf. - which is rather appealing, or addictive. Can't really think of the right word right now.
Naahh...
Don't think I'm up for the mummy challenge as yet.
9 months of waddling like Daisy Duck, several months of puking my guts out into the toilet bowl, weird cravings - "I rase nak makan ice-cream dengan sambal belacan lah" - WHUTT???, sore feet which might be mistaken as elephantitis, extreme crankiness, having my hubby trim you-know-what cause I can't even see the world down under, back aches, butt-aches, occasional allergies due to a twist in the hormones... and the twins - yup the twins. Ballooning twice the size maybe. But that's like a bonus for both mummy & daddy, rite??
Oh, shoot... then there's getting into the labor part. And snip, snip p***y. Pantek lah. Sakit dowh. Hah!! Die lorh!
Women all over say that pregnancy is the best and bittersweet experience a woman could ever go through.
Hmm...
Alright.
Noted.
But not now.
Cause I don't even have a face for the father! How about Sean Connery or Richard Gere? No? Sean Kingston is outta the question.
Anyhoo, cheers to all newly-weds, future brides & grooms and mummies or mummies-to-be! And yeah, daddies and daddies-to-be too. God bless.
Singletons, let's keep ooOoOoon rockin'!!
XoX
1 comment:
hahahah freaking funny May.. "hubby trimming-you-know-what-down-under?" Wahahah..
I told all my friends as long as I'm not yet married their kids are not allowed to address me with "Auntie". Kak Ajah, Kak 'A are the more acceptable options. Huehue.
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