Saturday, 24 November 2007

How Would You Like Your Head To Be Whacked, Sir?

Acquaintance: So, where do you work?

Maylin: In CIMB Aviva...

A: Owhh... Aviva?

M: Yeah, it's an insurance company from UK which merged with CIMB Group.

A: Owwhh... So, you agent laa??

M: *about to choke* (pause)
Nope, I'm an Actuarial Executive.

A: Ack..Ektu...(??) *distorted face*

M: Ack-chuay-reeyel. We deal with a lot of numbers, mortality rates, we create the products... But I handle the Reinsurance & Retakaful part... (why am I still explaining????)

A: Macam accounting laaa?

M: *gulp* *inhale*
No... but we do work closely with the Finance people tho'.

A: Ouwh.. *bored face*

M: Would you excuse me...? I need to go to the ladies. I'll be back in a minute - (after I flush my face in the toilet bowl *grunting silently*)


M: Sorry to make you wait. XXX belum sampai lagi? Where is she ek?

A: Belum... nanti dia sampai.

M: Ok... So, where do you work?

A: I work in Petronas*.

M: Ohhh... so (you tukang pump minyak kat) which (petrol station ek??) department?

- End -

Petronas* - original company was changed.


Is "agent" THE ONLY position available in an insurance company?? No offense, not looking down upon agents at all. They make more moolah than I do, seriously. Respect them for that.

I'm just crossed when we people can't think or associate anything else with insurance companies. Or any other company/department for that matter.

OK, understood. Not everyone knows what Actuarial yuppies do. Fine.

But... *sigh*

Can we all try to think slightly beyond the normal and mundane? Like ACCA is NOT the only Professional Accounting exam in this whole wide world. There's also CiMA.

Nevermind. I don't think many will see my point.

As usual, I just wanna let it out.

Cheers everyone.

~The Stressed & Stinky~

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Miss Sixty Sumthin'

Clowning around during Putat's PopRina photoshoot.

Takpe... Tauke tengah busy.

Monday, 19 November 2007

Just A Friend; My Foot lah...

"but he says she's just a friend...but he says she's just a friend"
- Curi(ed) + Modified from Too Phat -

Because you're super gullible, you take his word for it.

In the end, you're all battered up inside.

...and the dish ran away with the spoon.

Say a potential boyfriend that you just got to know mentions that he has a girl best friend - take it from me: Run straight for the door. And don't forget to close it on your way out.

Coz "She's just a friend", is a bag full of sheep poop.

Platonic relationships? *rolling eyes*

Safe over sorry.

My two point five cents.

p/s: I guess you won't be rooting for me on this huh, Azah? :p


Oihh... penat laa nunggu... Bila nye??

Sunday, 18 November 2007

My overused word:

R e t a r d

Lantak Melantak @ Pop's

Retards doing what they do best.

Kangkang baeeeek nye...

Terkojut haa...

My Bestie & Me

I just LOVE TKC gatherings. It's a congregation for retards.

Thursday, 15 November 2007

Wedding Bells Gone Wrong?

*clearing throat*


I should put a disclaimer somewhere here in this blog. Anyhoots, for the meantime, I'll just treat it as another crummy posting.

Tuan-tuan, puan-puan, inchik-terkinchitt & saudara-mara sekalian, I shall not be held responsible of any hard feelings caused by any of the contents in this blog. Boleh?

Heheh... Seriously, it's just a blog. Maymay's puny blog. It won't move, shake nor break a soul pon. I'm no Kam Raslan nor Syed Akbar Ali. No where near Dina Zaman pon. :)
Why the hard feelings mate? OK, if it makes you feel better, I'm kicking myself right now.

So, selagi no names are dropped in any of the entries, it remains a general statement. It can be addressed to any Tom, Dick or Salmah. Ochayy brathaa...??

*clucking tongue*


p/s: Yup, that's "puny". Bukan "punya" yang tertinggal 'A'.

p/p/s: For crying out loud! I'm not mocking anyone's England lah.

p/p/p/s: OK... Fine. I AM gampang once in a while.

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Knock! Knock! Part 2

Heheheee... Another retarded joke:

R: Knock! Knock!

J: Who's there?

R: Amos.

J: Amos who...?

R: A-mos-quito!

* * *

R: Knock! Knock!

J: Who's there?

R: Ano.

J: Ano who...?

R: A-no-ther mosquito!

* * *

R: Knock! Knock!

J: Who's there?

R: Stella

J: Stella who...?

R: Stell-a-nother mosquito!!

Rudy and Jayjay!! You retards!! Muaahhhhss...!

Monday, 12 November 2007

Wedding Bells, What's That Smell??

Other people have midlife crisis as they approach 50, while I'm having mine as early as now - the ominous quarter life crisis! Wedding bells go off like nobody's business - back-to-back wedding invitations and engagement notices from my peers.

The stats of people I know getting hitched ( hitch means get married - coz there's this particular moron who doesn't know what it means, and he himself is getting hitched next month) are sky-rocketing. The frequency of kenduri kahwins in a month are as aften as the number of times I take a piss in a day.

And whoah... wait... What about the number of babies popping out this time around? Like little bunnies... *slapping forehead* "Say hello to AUNTY Maymay...", as my friend hands over her drooling baby to me. His lopsided head instantly switched my 'gelabah' radar on. Shit, terkehel leher budak nih, mampus aku. Oh, did you notice the kata nama?? Aunty. Aunt. Eeee...


These babies are sooo adorable. They even have this "masham" smell, a mix of baby shampoo and milk barf. - which is rather appealing, or addictive. Can't really think of the right word right now.


Don't think I'm up for the mummy challenge as yet.
9 months of waddling like Daisy Duck, several months of puking my guts out into the toilet bowl, weird cravings - "I rase nak makan ice-cream dengan sambal belacan lah" - WHUTT???, sore feet which might be mistaken as elephantitis, extreme crankiness, having my hubby trim you-know-what cause I can't even see the world down under, back aches, butt-aches, occasional allergies due to a twist in the hormones... and the twins - yup the twins. Ballooning twice the size maybe. But that's like a bonus for both mummy & daddy, rite??

Oh, shoot... then there's getting into the labor part. And snip, snip p***y. Pantek lah. Sakit dowh. Hah!! Die lorh!

Women all over say that pregnancy is the best and bittersweet experience a woman could ever go through.

But not now.

Cause I don't even have a face for the father! How about Sean Connery or Richard Gere? No? Sean Kingston is outta the question.

Anyhoo, cheers to all newly-weds, future brides & grooms and mummies or mummies-to-be! And yeah, daddies and daddies-to-be too. God bless.

Singletons, let's keep ooOoOoon rockin'!!


Friday, 9 November 2007

Knock Knock!

In another life, I wanna be married to Rudy AND Jayjay.

J: Knock! Knock!

R: Who's there..?

J: Hetch!

R: Hetch, Whoo..?

J: Bless you!!

Aaaaarrghh...they twist my non-existant tali pusat every time!

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Those 9 Words We Women LOVE...

Thanks Mr./Ms. Anonet.


1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five moreminutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothingusually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just sayyou're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of sayin F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Monday, 5 November 2007

Amigo or Aquaintance?

After my bestie for life shed a tear in my car tonight, it hit me in the left boob - haha, kidding. It hit me right in the forehead of what FRIENDS really mean...

Friends give you the spirit to move on, even when you feel like a bag of cow dung.

They laugh with you, and not at you. But if you have Alif as your friend - she's a pro at laughing AT you. Haha. Love you Lipap!

Friends manage to see how pretty you are on the inside - no matter how huge you are, or how horrifying those crummy zits make you look like. In my case; a giant walking Chips Ahoy.

A friend would wake up early in the morning just to accompany you to see Dr. Ting in Bukit Bintang - even when he only had 3 hours of sleep.

A friend rushes to your side and brushes away all the pain just by giving you that one big bear hug.

Friends listen to your rantings, and whinings and ceaseless matha-fuckaa relationship problems without complaining.

Friends stick with you through rough and blotchy times. They stay with you all the way, even when the lights go out at McDonald's and mosquitoes come in droves and start feeding on you.

They smack you in the head with reality checks, and shake some sense out of you.

Quoting Sic Ron, "Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

Friends tell you the truth. Period. They don't lie to your face. Full stop.

Friends are not pretentious. They stay grounded and humbly chuck their ego aside.

Friends go through the hassle to fight for your rights and gain back what's yours.

Friends give more then they take. Aquaintances just take.

A friend tries his/her best not to hurt you. Aquaintances just couldn't care less.

Friends make you feel like family. They love you unconditionally. They appreciate you sincerely. They see the best in you.

And you think you have what it takes to be my friend?

Thursday, 1 November 2007

Anona, Anoni, Anonu, Anone, Anono

This entry is specially dedicated to my fellow androgynous Anons!

If I ever get to know who u peeps really are, aku terlangkup kepala korang dengan baldi hijau aku.